Hey, it's been a while!

Nice to be back. I've been busy for like..a long...long time...it saddens me too in case anyone was up to sharing their feelings .

How has everyone been?

I don't know if I'm going to stick with this site for very long...still keeping on my toes in regards to everything else going on. But I hope I get to talk to ya'll soon.

So, I'm not dead! Yay! ...heh...


--heiwateki-jitsuzai
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ALL MY ICONS GO HERE

Well, I haven't been on this site in a while! It's been a while, hasn't it? Can't say that I've done much creative construction in my absence, either. So no new updates unfortunately. I miss that artsy side I used to indulge in more frequently. I need to get back into that...

Anyway, things have been going on. Got a girlfriend. I really do like her a lot, but I'm sad because she's going away to college in a few weeks...it's going to be so hard to say good-bye...

Other than that, I've beenr eally busy with summer assignments. It's really getting annoying. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, if you hadn't guessed, was actually the cause of a summer assignment (still working on it). So were the ten essays I did as a replacement health assignment (finished). And "Catch 22" (finished). And the four chapters in my AP Biology textbook (haven't finished) and the four chapters for my AP US History (haven't started) and the Italian version of "The Little Prince" (haven't started) I must read. Still, trying.

I'm in a distressed mood because tomorrow I have a job interview at a movie theater...I really need a job. I need to work and I need money as well!! I'm so nervous...never going to get to sleep or even relax a little bit until a quarter to four tomorrow. *sigh* *sigh again* Wish me luck if anyone out there really wants to read this still...*throws up*

That's pretty much the thick of it. Trying to get by, you know? Pass time and be productive. It's a balancing act and yet still we all manage to do it. Love it, don't you?

Talk to you all soon!


--heiwateki-jitsuzai
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all my icons. I forgot them all...check my last journals.

Yay for vacation this week...ah, I love Spring Break. Yeah, I have SO MUCH freaking work to do over the break, but I'd rather be home doing it than in school struggling to stay awake and keep on tope of all the other shit I have to do on a daily basis.

It's been fun lately, actually. Two weeks ago I went to I-CON with ym friend and her dad. I didn't even know it was coming up so I didn't have time to cosplay () but that's okay. I still had a hell of a lot of fun. Anyone ever heard of an anime called "Disgaea"? It's pretty freaky, but I got to watch a fwe episodes and after a while it really grows on you. Other than that, I bought this really sexy print of a female samurai scantly clad in armor holding a katana. i hung it up on my wall ..I love it. I also bought an imported Japanese soundtrack of the entire "Princess Mononoke" movie. It rocks my world and it really does.

Last Saturday I went to a concert for a group called Down. Anyone ever heard of them? No? Ever heard of a band called Pantera? Well the lead singer from that band made this one so it's pretty much the same type of music. It was a standing concert so there was some moshing going on. (and some condom balloons) It's weird...like a threobbing orgy of people randomly pushing on each other for the hell of it. I almost freaking died, but it was a hell of a lot of fun. The music was okay, too. (lmao)

I have a crush on this girl at school. She's two years older than me, a senior, and she's so beautiful. Really, in every way. Intelligent, funny, talented, pretty...wow. I'm working up to asking her out but she's away on a school trip to Italy this week so it looks like I'll need to wait...but I miss her right now. Hmm,,,sad thing is I don't even know if she likes girls. Ack!! I need to get around to askign that fatal question, ne? I will, though.

If Chuck is reading this: I'll try to work a little bit on your game plot, but it seems pretty involved. I'll try my best for a new avenue of writing (I usually don't work on fantasy type things like vampires and werewolves) and it could be fun!

Anyway, that's all that's going on right now pretty much. Hope to talk to you guys more soon.


--heiwateki-jitsuzai
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Clubs:

Wow, I haven't submitted a journal entry since Janurary. Weird. Not like nothng's been going on, though...

I feel so defeated right now. I came out to both my parents and they're just so...not understanding. When I feel really confused about things and I just need someone to talk to, I go to my mom and she's like, "Well, don't you want to even TRY to be heterosexual?" And I'm like, "You don't know what it's like." She doesn't. My dad is...well, forget my dad. He's ashamed of me. He refuses to accept my lesbianness. The sad thing is that I came out to my dad because my mom was pressuring me SO DAMN much. And now I'm fucked because of it. All I got were her incessant complaints and now my dad's embarrassment. Great! That's what I wanted (sarcasm).

I don't know. I kind of just want to say fuck this shit right now. My friends are, well, not...friendly. Sometimesthey make me feel worse about myself, which is...weird. I don't have someone to turn to a lot of the time. Oh well.

To hell with it. Seriously. I don't give a fuck anymore. To hell with everything, damn it.


--heiwateki-jitsuzai
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Clubs:

I am...

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong